Toddler Social and Emotional Development: Big Feelings, Growing Skills

The toddler years are famous for big emotions—joyful highs and tantrum lows. But behind the drama is remarkable social and emotional development. Your toddler is learning to understand their own feelings, recognize emotions in others, form relationships, and navigate the social world. Understanding this development helps you support your toddler through the challenging moments and celebrate the beautiful ones.

Emotional Development by Age AAP

Emotional development follows a predictable pattern, though intensity varies among children.

12-18 months: Your toddler shows a range of emotions—joy, frustration, fear, and affection. They seek comfort from caregivers when upset and may have strong reactions to new situations. Separation anxiety is often still present.

18-24 months: Emotions intensify as toddlers' desires outpace their abilities. Tantrums may begin or increase. Your toddler shows pride in accomplishments and frustration when things don't go their way. They're beginning to use words for some emotions.

24-36 months: Emotional range expands to include jealousy, embarrassment, and guilt. Toddlers begin to understand that others have feelings too. Tantrums continue but may begin to decrease as language and emotional regulation improve.

Understanding Tantrums CDC

Tantrums are a normal part of toddler development, not a sign of bad parenting or a "bad" child.

Why tantrums happen: Toddlers have limited language to express feelings, limited impulse control, and very big desires. When they can't have what they want or can't communicate their needs, the result is often a meltdown.

When tantrums peak: Tantrums typically peak between 18 months and 3 years, then gradually decrease as language and emotional regulation develop.

During a tantrum:

• Stay calm (your calm helps them calm)
• Ensure safety
• Don't try to reason or lecture
• Don't give in to demands to stop the tantrum
• Stay nearby if they accept comfort; give space if they don't

After a tantrum: Offer comfort and reconnection. When they're calm, you might briefly discuss what happened: "You were frustrated that we couldn't stay at the park."

Reducing tantrums: Predictable routines, adequate sleep, regular meals, and offering choices when possible can reduce tantrum frequency. Some tantrums are unavoidable—that's normal.

Social Development by Age AAP

Social skills develop gradually over the toddler years.

12-18 months: Your toddler is interested in other children but mostly plays alone or watches others. They prefer familiar caregivers and may be wary of strangers.

18-24 months: Parallel play develops—playing alongside other children but not with them. Your toddler imitates other children and shows interest in them but isn't yet ready to share or take turns.

24-36 months: Early cooperative play emerges. Toddlers begin to play together, share (sometimes), and take turns (with support). Simple friendships based on proximity and shared interests develop.

Empathy Development CDC

Empathy—understanding and responding to others' feelings—develops gradually.

Early signs (12-18 months): Your toddler may notice when someone is upset but not know how to respond. They might stare or become distressed themselves.

Developing empathy (18-24 months): Toddlers begin to offer comfort to others who are upset—bringing a toy, patting, or hugging. This shows they recognize the emotion and want to help.

Growing empathy (24-36 months): Your toddler can identify emotions in others and may ask why someone is sad or happy. They try to help and comfort in more sophisticated ways.

Supporting empathy: Label emotions in books and real life. Talk about how actions affect others. Model caring behavior.

Independence and Autonomy AAP

"Me do it!" is the mantra of toddlerhood, and this drive for independence is developmentally crucial.

Why independence matters: Toddlers' drive for autonomy is how they learn skills, build confidence, and develop a sense of self. Supporting appropriate independence lays the foundation for healthy development.

Supporting independence:

• Offer choices when possible ("Do you want the red cup or blue cup?")
• Let them do things themselves even when it's slower
• Break tasks into manageable steps
• Celebrate their accomplishments
• Accept imperfect results

Setting limits: Independence doesn't mean no limits. Toddlers need boundaries for safety and to learn social expectations. Set limits calmly and consistently.

Attachment and Separation CDC

Attachment to caregivers remains central to toddler emotional development.

Secure attachment: A securely attached toddler uses you as a safe base for exploration—venturing out to explore but checking back for reassurance. They seek you for comfort when upset and show joy when you return after separation.

Separation anxiety: Some separation anxiety is normal throughout the toddler years, though it's often less intense than at 9-12 months. Consistent routines for goodbyes, brief separations with predictable reunions, and calm, confident departures help.

Multiple attachments: Toddlers can be securely attached to multiple caregivers—both parents, grandparents, and quality childcare providers. Multiple secure attachments support development.

Supporting Social-Emotional Development AAP

Be a calm presence: Your calm responses to big emotions teach your toddler that feelings are manageable. When you stay calm, they learn to calm.

Label emotions: Help your toddler understand feelings by naming them: "You seem frustrated that the puzzle is hard." This builds emotional vocabulary and self-awareness.

Validate feelings: "I know you're sad we have to leave the park. It's hard to leave when you're having fun." Validation doesn't mean giving in—you can acknowledge feelings and still hold limits.

Teach coping strategies: Deep breaths, hugs, finding a quiet space, squeezing a stress ball—these coping strategies work better when practiced during calm times, not just during meltdowns.

Model emotional regulation: Let your toddler see how you handle frustration, disappointment, and anger. "I'm feeling frustrated. I'm going to take a deep breath."

Provide social opportunities: Playdates and group activities give toddlers opportunities to practice social skills with your support.

Common Challenging Behaviors CDC

Hitting, biting, and pushing: Physical aggression is common in toddlers who lack verbal skills to express feelings. Stay calm, stop the behavior, offer simple language ("We don't hit. Hitting hurts."), and redirect to appropriate behavior.

Saying "no" to everything: The toddler "no" is about asserting autonomy. Reduce power struggles by offering choices and saving your own "no" for things that matter.

Whining: Whining often indicates that a toddler doesn't have the words for their needs or feelings. Help them find words and respond to requests made in a regular voice.

Sharing difficulties: True sharing is developmentally hard for toddlers. Support turn-taking with timers or prompts, but don't expect consistent sharing until preschool age.

When to Seek Help AAP

Talk to your pediatrician if your toddler:

• Doesn't show affection for caregivers
• Doesn't notice or respond when others are upset
• Doesn't engage in pretend play by age 2
• Has tantrums that are very frequent, very long, or very intense
• Seems extremely anxious or fearful
• Shows aggressive behavior that's hard to redirect
• Doesn't seem interested in other children at all

Early intervention for social-emotional concerns is effective.

The Bottom Line

Social and emotional development during the toddler years lays the foundation for relationships, emotional health, and social skills throughout life. Your patient, responsive support through tantrums, your celebration of growing independence, and your modeling of emotional regulation all make a difference.

Clara is here to answer questions about your toddler's social and emotional development!