Toddler Bedtime Routine: Creating a Calm End to the Day

If bedtime in your house involves chasing your toddler, repeated requests for "one more" story, or tears and tantrums, you're not alone. Toddlers are masters of delay tactics and bedtime resistance. But a consistent, calming bedtime routine can transform this challenging time into a peaceful end to the day.

Why Bedtime Routines Matter AAP

Benefits of a consistent routine:

• Signals to toddler's body that sleep is coming
• Reduces anxiety and resistance
• Creates positive sleep associations
• Helps transition from busy day to calm rest
• Provides connection time with parent

What research shows:

• Children with bedtime routines fall asleep faster
• They sleep longer with fewer night wakings
• Better behavior during the day NSF
• Less bedtime resistance over time

Why toddlers specifically benefit:

• Toddlers thrive on predictability
• Control battles are common at this age
• Routine gives toddler sense of control
• Clear expectations reduce conflict

Elements of an Effective Routine NSF

Key components:
1. Wind-down activities (calming play, no screens)
2. Hygiene (bath, teeth brushing)
3. Pajamas (comfortable sleep clothes)
4. Quiet activities (books, songs, cuddles)
5. Final goodnight (consistent ending ritual)

Timing:

• 20-45 minutes total
• Start at same time each night
• End at same time each night
• Allow enough time so it's not rushed

Environment:

• Dim lights as routine progresses
• Quiet atmosphere
• Move to bedroom for final steps
• Keep bedroom for sleep (not play)

Sample Bedtime Routines

Simple routine (20-30 minutes):

• 7:00 PM - Quiet play (no screens)
• 7:10 PM - Bath or wash up
• 7:20 PM - Pajamas, teeth
• 7:25 PM - Two books in bedroom
• 7:35 PM - Songs, cuddles, prayers (if applicable)
• 7:40 PM - Goodnight, lights out

Longer routine (30-45 minutes):

• 6:45 PM - Announce bedtime is coming, clean up toys
• 6:50 PM - Bath
• 7:05 PM - Dry off, lotion, pajamas
• 7:15 PM - Snack and milk (if part of routine)
• 7:25 PM - Brush teeth
• 7:30 PM - Three books in bedroom
• 7:40 PM - Songs, cuddles, talk about the day
• 7:50 PM - Goodnight, lights out

Adjust based on your family's needs and preferences.

Making the Routine Work AAP

Consistency is crucial:

• Same order of activities every night
• Same person (or alternating in consistent pattern)
• Same bedtime (within 30 minutes)
• Same ending ritual

Give warnings:

• "Bedtime in 15 minutes"
• "After this show, we start getting ready for bed"
• "Five more minutes of play, then bath time"
• Helps toddler transition and reduces protests

Offer limited choices:

• "Blue pajamas or red pajamas?"
• "Which two books tonight?"
• "Do you want to brush teeth first or put on pajamas first?"
• Choices give control without changing routine

Keep it calm:

• No rough play before bed
• No screens for at least 1 hour before bed AAP
• Dim lights as bedtime approaches
• Low, calm voices
• Avoid exciting or scary content

Common Routine Mistakes

Routine is too long:

• Stretches to 60+ minutes
• Contains too many "optional" elements
• Toddler keeps adding requests
• *Solution:* Set clear boundaries on what's included

Routine is too short or rushed:

• Doesn't allow for wind-down
• Feels stressful rather than calming
• Toddler isn't ready for sleep at the end
• *Solution:* Allow adequate time; start earlier

Inconsistent routine:

• Different activities each night
• Different timing
• Different parent with different approach
• *Solution:* Create a routine everyone follows

Ends with struggle:

• Parent stays until toddler is asleep
• Toddler always needs "one more thing"
• Crying or tantrums at goodbye
• *Solution:* Create clear ending ritual, be consistent

Managing Bedtime Battles NSF

Why toddlers resist:

• Desire for autonomy (big at this age)
• FOMO (fear of missing out)
• Separation anxiety
• Testing boundaries
• Genuinely not tired (schedule issue?)

Strategies that help:

Stay calm and firm:

• Don't engage in power struggles
• State expectations matter-of-factly
• "It's bedtime. Time for sleep."
• Return toddler to bed without drama

The "Last thing" technique:

• Set clear limits: "I'll get you water and tuck you in, then it's time to sleep"
• Follow through: "I already got you water. Goodnight."
• Be consistent (they will test you!)

Give acceptable control:

• Let toddler make small choices
• Let them do things "by myself"
• Give them a job (carry book to bed)
• Makes them feel in control

Connect before you correct:

• Spend quality time before routine
• Give focused attention during routine
• Fill their "connection tank"
• Children who feel connected cooperate more

The Ending Ritual AAP

Importance of a clear ending:

• Toddlers need to know when routine is "done"
• Prevents endless requests
• Creates security (same ending every night)
• Gives closure

Ideas for ending rituals:

• Special goodnight phrase ("I love you, sleep tight, see you in the morning!")
• Same song every night
• Goodnight kisses (one kiss, nose kiss, forehead kiss)
• Tuck-in with special blanket
• High-five, fist bump, secret handshake
• Check on pets/stuffed animals together
• Say goodnight to room ("Goodnight, chair! Goodnight, moon!")

After the ending:

• Lights out, parent leaves
• If toddler calls out, keep response brief and boring
• Don't restart the routine
• "It's time to sleep now. I'll see you in the morning."

Screen Time and Sleep AAP

Why screens are problematic before bed:

• Blue light suppresses melatonin
• Content can be stimulating
• Harder to wind down
• Associated with shorter sleep and more night waking

AAP recommendations:

• No screens for 1 hour before bed
• No screens in bedroom
• Choose calm, slow content if any screen time
• Interactive screens (video chat with grandma) are okay in moderation

Alternatives to screens:

• Books (lots of them!)
• Puzzles
• Coloring
• Pretend play
• Block building
• Play-doh

Traveling or Out of Routine

When routine is disrupted:

• Travel
• Holidays
• Visitors
• Illness

Tips for maintaining routine:

• Bring familiar items (blanket, books, white noise machine)
• Keep as much of routine as possible
• Abbreviated version is better than none
• Return to normal as soon as possible
• Expect some regression—it's temporary

Special Circumstances

If parents have different schedules:

• Alternate nights or have consistent roles
• Written routine helps everyone follow same steps
• Communicate about what's working
• Toddler adapts if both parents are consistent

If toddler shares room with sibling:

• Stagger bedtimes if ages are different
• Have quiet activities for sibling while toddler settles
• Older child can participate in routine
• Separate routines or combined based on ages

If there's a new baby:

• Maintain toddler's routine (don't sacrifice it)
• Have other parent do toddler routine if mom is with baby
• Keep toddler feeling special and secure
• Routine provides stability during change

What Other Parents Ask

Q: My toddler asks for something every night after lights out. What do I do?
A: Address all needs DURING the routine (water, potty, one more hug). After lights out, keep responses brief: "You already had water. It's time to sleep." Be consistent—they're testing boundaries. NSF

Q: How long should the routine be?
A: 20-45 minutes is typical. Too short doesn't allow wind-down. Too long invites stalling. Find what works for your toddler, then be consistent.

Q: Should I stay until my toddler is asleep?
A: This can create a sleep association where toddler needs you to fall asleep. If possible, leave while toddler is awake but drowsy. If toddler needs you there, you can work on gradually reducing your presence. AAP

Q: My toddler suddenly hates our routine. What changed?
A: Could be developmental (testing limits), situational (new sibling, illness), or schedule-related (not tired enough). Keep routine consistent, address underlying issues, ride it out. It usually passes.

Q: Is bath every night necessary?
A: No. Bath can be every other night if it works better. The routine should work for your family. Wash up (face and hands) is fine on non-bath nights.

The Bottom Line

A consistent bedtime routine is one of the most effective tools for helping toddlers sleep well. It signals that sleep is coming, provides connection time, and reduces bedtime battles. Keep it consistent, calm, and age-appropriate.

Key points:

• 20-45 minute routine works for most toddlers
• Same order, same timing each night
• Include wind-down activities, hygiene, quiet connection
• Offer limited choices to give toddler control
• Have a clear ending ritual
• No screens for an hour before bed
• Stay calm and consistent when resistance happens

Clara is here to help you create a bedtime routine that brings peace to your evenings.