Teens and Social Media: A Parent's Guide

Social media is woven into the fabric of teenage life. For today's teens, Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, and other platforms aren't just entertainment—they're where friendships are maintained, identities are explored, and social currency is earned or lost. Telling your teen to "just quit social media" is like telling you to "just quit communicating with people."

At the same time, research increasingly shows that excessive or problematic social media use can harm teen mental health. As a parent, your job is to help your teenager develop healthy digital habits rather than trying to eliminate technology from their life entirely.

Understanding Teen Social Media Use AAP

Before addressing problems, understand the role social media plays.

Why teens use social media:

• Staying connected with friends
• Entertainment and boredom relief
• Creative expression
• Identity exploration
• News and information
• Following interests and communities
• Fear of missing out (FOMO) on social events

The reality of teen use:

• 95% of teens have access to smartphones
• 45% report being online "almost constantly"
• Average teen spends 7+ hours on screens daily (not all social media)
• Social media is deeply integrated into social life
• Not all use is problematic

What's different from adult use:

• Teen brains are more susceptible to addictive design features
• Adolescent identity development is more affected by social feedback
• Fear of social exclusion is developmentally heightened
• Impulse control is still developing
• Impact on still-developing self-concept

Potential Benefits of Social Media AAP

It's not all negative—social media does offer real benefits.

Positive aspects:

• Connection with friends and family, especially at distance
• Access to communities around shared interests
• Creative outlet for expression
• Exposure to diverse perspectives
• Platform for activism and civic engagement
• Support communities for marginalized youth
• Learning and educational content

When it's healthy:

• Supplements rather than replaces in-person relationships
• Doesn't interfere with sleep, school, or family time
• Doesn't cause significant distress
• Used actively (creating, connecting) not just passively (scrolling)
• Balanced with other activities

Risks and Concerns AAP

The research on social media harms, while evolving, raises real concerns.

Mental health connections:

• Correlation between heavy use and anxiety/depression
• Negative social comparison
• Cyberbullying exposure
• Unrealistic body image expectations
• FOMO and social anxiety
• Sleep disruption

Important caveats:

• Correlation doesn't prove causation
• Effect sizes vary widely
• Individual vulnerability matters
• How you use matters more than how much
• Not all research agrees

Specific risks:

• Body image issues (especially girls on image-focused platforms)
• Exposure to harmful content
• Contact with strangers/predators
• Privacy violations
• Distraction from schoolwork
• Sleep disruption from late-night use

Warning Signs of Problematic Use AAP

Watch for signs that social media is causing harm.

Behavioral signs:

• Constantly checking phone, even when inappropriate
• Distress when unable to access social media
• Neglecting other activities they used to enjoy
• Declining academic performance
• Social withdrawal from in-person relationships
• Secretive about online activities
• Sleep disruption

Emotional signs:

• Mood changes after using social media
• Increased anxiety or depression
• Significant distress about likes, comments, followers
• Negative self-talk about appearance or popularity
• Anger or defensiveness about phone use
• Jealousy or comparison after seeing others' posts

When to worry:

• They can't seem to limit their own use
• It's interfering with responsibilities
• Their mood consistently worsens after use
• They're being targeted by bullying
• They're engaging in risky online behavior

Having the Conversation AAP

Talking about social media works better than lecturing.

Approach with curiosity:

• Ask them to show you what they like about it
• Learn which platforms they use and how
• Understand the social dynamics of their friend group online
• Listen without immediate judgment
• Show genuine interest

Discuss together:

• How does using social media make them feel?
• Have they had negative experiences?
• What do they think about screen time?
• What boundaries feel reasonable?
• What are they seeing that concerns them?

What to share:

• Research on how platforms are designed to be addictive
• Your own struggles with phone use
• Concerns about specific content or behaviors
• Your values around privacy and safety
• Willingness to help rather than just restrict

Setting Boundaries That Work AAP

Rules work best when they're collaborative and reasonable.

Consider agreeing on:

• No phones in bedrooms overnight (charge in common area)
• Screen-free times (meals, family time, homework)
• Limits on new accounts/platforms
• Privacy settings requirements
• Location sharing expectations
• Regular check-ins about what they're seeing online

Make it mutual:

• Parents can follow some rules too
• Model the behavior you want to see
• Acknowledge that it's hard for adults too
• Be willing to negotiate

Consequences that make sense:

• Temporary loss of privileges for broken agreements
• Connected to the specific infraction
• Not overly punitive (causes resentment and secrecy)
• Focus on teaching, not punishing

Digital Literacy Skills AAP

Help them think critically about what they encounter.

Media literacy:

• Images are edited and filtered
• People post highlight reels, not real life
• Influencers are often paid for posts
• Algorithms show content that keeps you scrolling
• Virality doesn't equal truth

Critical thinking questions:

• Who made this content and why?
• What's not being shown?
• How does this make me feel? Why?
• Is this information reliable?
• Why am I seeing this content?

Self-awareness:

• How do I feel after using this platform?
• When do I tend to scroll mindlessly?
• What triggers negative comparisons for me?
• Am I using social media or is it using me?

Cyberbullying and Online Safety AAP

Digital conflicts can cause real harm.

Cyberbullying realities:

• More than 1 in 3 teens report being cyberbullied
• Can feel inescapable (follows them home)
• Sometimes leaves permanent digital record
• May involve public humiliation
• Can be anonymous, making it scarier

Warning signs your teen is being bullied:

• Upset during or after using devices
• Withdrawing from social activities
• Declining grades or engagement
• Changes in friends or behavior
• Not wanting to go to school
• Deleting social media accounts suddenly

What to do:

• Take it seriously
• Don't blame them or suggest they caused it
• Document evidence (screenshots)
• Report to platforms
• Involve school if peers are involved
• Consider involving law enforcement if threats are made

If your teen is the bully:

• Take it seriously—this is their problem to address
• Understand the context and motivations
• Make amends and change behavior
• Address underlying issues
• Monitor their activity more closely

Privacy and Safety AAP

Help protect them online.

Privacy basics:

• Review privacy settings together on all platforms
• Discuss what's okay to share and what isn't
• Location sharing risks
• Permanent nature of posts
• Stranger danger online

Safety conversations:

• Never share personal information with strangers
• Be skeptical of who people claim to be
• Never agree to meet someone in person from online
• Come to parents if something feels wrong
• Explain grooming tactics

Supporting Healthy Use AAP

Help them develop a healthy relationship with social media.

Encourage:

• Active use (creating, connecting) over passive scrolling
• Following accounts that make them feel good
• Unfollowing/muting accounts that cause distress
• Taking breaks when needed
• Curating their feed intentionally

Model:

• Putting down your own phone
• Not checking phone constantly
• Being present in conversations
• Having screen-free times yourself
• Healthy coping mechanisms that aren't scrolling

Balance:

• Ensure social media doesn't replace in-person time
• Maintain other activities and interests
• Prioritize sleep, exercise, and outdoor time
• Keep family connections strong

When Professional Help is Needed AAP

Sometimes problematic use requires outside support.

Consider professional help if:

• Social media use is clearly causing mental health issues
• They can't cut back despite wanting to
• Online relationships are replacing all in-person ones
• They're engaging in dangerous online behavior
• Significant academic or social functioning decline
• Signs of internet addiction

Types of help:

• Therapists experienced with teens and technology
• Family therapy to improve communication
• Treatment for underlying mental health issues
• In severe cases, specialized programs exist

The Bottom Line

Social media isn't going away, and completely banning it usually backfires. Your goal is to help your teenager develop the skills to use social media in ways that enhance rather than harm their life—and to recognize when they need to step back. AAP

Remember:

• Social media is deeply integrated into teen social life
• Both benefits and risks are real
• How they use it matters more than whether they use it
• Conversations work better than lectures
• Your modeling matters

Focus on:

• Understanding before restricting
• Collaborative boundary-setting
• Teaching critical thinking about media
• Monitoring for warning signs
• Keeping communication open

Clara is here when you need help navigating social media challenges with your teen.