Talking to Teens About Drugs and Alcohol

Talking to your teenager about drugs and alcohol can feel awkward, but research is clear: parents who have ongoing, honest conversations about substance use raise teens who are less likely to use—and if they do use, they're more likely to use safely and seek help when needed.

The goal isn't one big lecture. It's creating ongoing dialogue where your teen can ask questions, think critically about their choices, and know they can come to you without fear of extreme reactions.

Why These Conversations Matter AAP

Your voice matters more than you think—even when your teen rolls their eyes or walks away.

What research shows:

• Teens whose parents talk to them about drugs are 50% less likely to use
• Kids who learn about risks at home are less likely to believe myths
• Open communication creates safer experimentation if it happens
• Your values influence them even when they seem not to listen
• Conversations must be ongoing—one talk isn't enough

Why the teen brain is vulnerable:

• The reward system is highly active (seeking pleasure/novelty)
• The prefrontal cortex (judgment) is underdeveloped
• This makes teens more susceptible to addiction than adults
• Earlier use = higher addiction risk
• Their brains are still developing until mid-20s

Starting the Conversation

When to start:

• Before substance use typically begins (middle school or earlier)
• Before parties and social situations where substances may be present
• When something in the news/media provides an opening
• After they or a friend have encountered substances
• Regularly, not just once

How to approach it:

• Be casual, not formal (driving, walking, doing dishes)
• Share your values clearly but without lecturing
• Ask questions to understand their perspective
• Listen more than you talk
• Stay calm—your panic shuts them down

Conversation starters:

• "I've been thinking about the party coming up. What do you know about whether there will be drinking?"
• "I saw something in the news about vaping. What do you know about kids at your school doing that?"
• "What do you think makes some people decide to try drugs or alcohol?"
• "Has anyone offered you anything? What did you do/say?"

What to Communicate AAP

Your clear expectations:

• Be explicit about your rules: "I expect you not to drink alcohol or use drugs."
• Explain the reasoning: health, safety, legal, family values
• Discuss consequences if rules are broken
• Acknowledge that they may face pressure or opportunities

The health risks (age-appropriate):

• Teen brains are more vulnerable to addiction
• Alcohol poisoning is a real risk
• Marijuana affects brain development
• Vaping is not harmless
• Prescription drugs can be deadly
• Fentanyl is in many street drugs now (extremely dangerous)

Practical safety information:

• How to say no effectively
• How to leave a situation where substances are being used
• Never accept a drink you didn't watch being poured
• Never get in a car with someone who's been using
• Call for help if someone is in trouble (you won't be mad)
• What to do if someone is overdosing (call 911, Narcan if available)

The myth-busting:

• "Everyone does it" isn't true
• "It helps me relax" has short-term benefits but long-term problems
• "Marijuana is natural/harmless" ignores brain development impact
• "I can handle it" doesn't account for the developing brain
• "Vaping is safe" ignores nicotine addiction and lung damage

Creating a Safe Landing AAP

One of the most protective factors is knowing your teen will call you for help without extreme punishment.

The deal:

• "If you ever find yourself in a situation where you or someone else has been drinking or using drugs, call me. I will come get you, no questions asked—at least not that night."
• The consequence of calling should be less severe than the consequence of a DUI, overdose, or assault

Why this matters:

• Teens are more likely to take risks if they fear punishment
• Kids die because they're afraid to call for help
• A safe call prevents tragedy
• You can address the behavior later, when everyone is safe

What to say:

• "Nothing is more important than your safety."
• "I'd rather pick you up at 2 AM than get a call from the police."
• "You can always tell me the truth."

What If They're Already Using?

Discovering your teen uses substances is terrifying. How you respond matters.

Signs of substance use:

• Bloodshot eyes, dilated or constricted pupils
• Changes in appetite or sleep
• Sudden weight changes
• Neglecting appearance/hygiene
• Changes in friends
• Drop in grades or activity involvement
• Secretive behavior
• Missing money or valuables
• Smelling like smoke, alcohol, or marijuana
• Drug paraphernalia

If you discover use:

Stay calm initially:

• Your panic will shut them down
• Take time to think before reacting
• Get the facts before assuming the worst

Have a conversation:

• "I found [item/evidence]. Tell me about what's going on."
• Listen to understand before you respond
• Ask about frequency, circumstances, reasons

Assess the severity:

• One-time experimentation vs. regular use
• Social use vs. using alone
• Any signs of addiction (can't stop, needs more, withdrawal)
• Impact on daily functioning

Respond appropriately:

• Experimentation: Clear conversation, consequences, monitoring
• Regular use: Professional assessment, possible treatment
• Addiction: Immediate professional intervention

Get help if needed:

• Your pediatrician can screen and refer
• Substance abuse counselors specialize in teens
• Outpatient or inpatient treatment may be needed
• Family therapy helps the whole system

Specific Substances to Discuss

Alcohol:

• Most commonly used substance by teens
• Binge drinking is especially dangerous
• Alcohol poisoning can be fatal
• Impairs judgment leading to other risks
• Teen brains more susceptible to effects

Marijuana/Cannabis:

• Legalization doesn't mean safe for teens
• Affects developing brain (memory, learning, motivation)
• Today's marijuana is much more potent than in the past
• Can trigger mental health issues in some teens
• Risk of dependency

Vaping/E-cigarettes:

• Highly addictive (nicotine)
• Marketing targets teens
• "Safer than cigarettes" doesn't mean safe
• Lung damage from vaping documented
• Gateway to other substances for some

Prescription drugs:

• Opioids (painkillers), stimulants (ADHD meds), benzodiazepines (anxiety meds)
• Often obtained from home medicine cabinets
• "From a doctor" doesn't make recreational use safe
• Highly addictive
• Overdose risk

Other drugs:

• MDMA/Ecstasy, cocaine, LSD, mushrooms, etc.
• Fentanyl contamination makes ANY street drug potentially deadly
• Mixing substances increases risk dramatically
• "Just trying once" can be fatal with fentanyl

Preventing Substance Use AAP

Risk factors to address:

• Mental health issues (get treatment)
• Family history of addiction (higher risk)
• Peer pressure (build refusal skills)
• Easy access (secure medications at home)
• Lack of parental monitoring (know where they are, who they're with)
• Stress without healthy coping skills

Protective factors to build:

• Strong parent-child relationship
• Involvement in positive activities
• Clear expectations and monitoring
• Mental health support
• Good coping skills for stress
• Delayed exposure

Practical prevention:

• Lock up alcohol and medications at home
• Know your teen's friends and their parents
• Know where they are and what they're doing
• Have clear expectations and consequences
• Stay connected even as they push for independence
• Model responsible use (or abstinence) yourself

The Bottom Line

Talking to your teen about drugs and alcohol is uncomfortable but essential. Your goal is not to control every choice they make—that's impossible. Your goal is to:

• Delay use as long as possible
• Reduce harm if they do use
• Keep communication open
• Know when to get help
• Be the safe landing they can always call

Teens whose parents talk to them, set expectations, stay connected, and respond to problems without overreaction are the teens who navigate this successfully.

Clara is here to help you have these conversations and support your teen.