Sleepover Success: Preparing Your Child for Sleeping Away from Home

The sleepover invitation arrives and your child is thrilled—or terrified. Maybe both. Sleepovers are a childhood rite of passage, but spending the night away from home is a big developmental step that doesn't come easily to every child.

Whether your child is eager or anxious, a little preparation goes a long way. And even for kids who've done sleepovers before, each new experience brings its own challenges. Here's how to set your child up for success. AAP

When Is Your Child Ready for Sleepovers?

There's no magic age—readiness depends on your individual child: AAP

Signs they might be ready:

• Has successfully stayed with grandparents or relatives overnight
• Generally sleeps through the night without needing you
• Can manage basic self-care (toileting, hygiene) independently
• Expresses interest in sleepovers
• Handles new situations reasonably well
• Can articulate needs to adults

Signs they might need more time:

• Significant separation anxiety
• Frequent nighttime needs (nightmares, bathroom help, comfort)
• Difficulty in new environments
• Very rigid about routine
• Intense distress at the idea of sleeping away

Typical ages:

• Many children are ready around ages 7-9
• Some are ready earlier (5-6)
• Some need until 10-12
• All of these are normal

Preparing Your Child

Several days before:

• Talk about what to expect
• Discuss the other family's rules (they may be different from yours)
• Practice any self-care skills they'll need
• Pack together

What to pack:

• Pajamas (comfortable, not embarrassing)
• Change of clothes for next day
• Toothbrush, any hygiene items
• Comfort item if they use one (presented casually)
• Sleeping bag or bedding as specified
• Flashlight (many kids find this comforting)
• Any medications, allergy information for host

Important conversations:

• "What would you do if you felt scared or wanted to come home?"
• "It's always okay to call me"
• Review safety rules (body safety, stranger danger, what to do in emergency)
• "You can tell a grown-up if anything makes you uncomfortable"
• Establish a code word they can use if they want to come home

The Anxiety Factor

Many children feel anxious about sleepovers, even if they want to go. This is completely normal. NSF

Help manage anxiety:

• Normalize the feeling: "It's normal to feel nervous about new things"
• Validate without amplifying: "I understand you're worried. I think you can do this"
• Problem-solve: "What specific thing are you worried about? Let's figure that out"
• Build confidence: "Remember when you did [other new thing]? You handled that great"

Gradual exposure approach:
1. Start with relatives or very familiar families
2. First sleepover could be at close friend's house you know well
3. Stay for dinner but get picked up for sleeping (a "late-over")
4. Progress to full sleepover
5. Eventually less familiar situations

The pickup plan:

• Make clear that you'll pick them up if they really need to come home
• But also encourage them to give it a try first
• "If you're still feeling really upset in an hour, call me"
• Don't make coming home feel like failure

Common Sleepover Challenges

Bedwetting:

If your child occasionally wets the bed, this is a big worry. AAP

• Use pull-ups discreetly (they make them for older kids)
• Limit fluids before bed
• Make sure they know where the bathroom is
• Consider a "late-over" until they're more confident
• Reassure them this won't last forever

Homesickness hitting at 2 AM:

• Teach them coping strategies: deep breathing, think about something fun
• Bring a comfort item (can be subtle—a special pillowcase)
• Remind them morning will come
• Know that you're available if they really need you

Different household rules:

• Prepare them that rules may differ
• "At our house we do X, but other families might do Y differently"
• Reassure them you trust the other parents
• Give clear guidance about what your non-negotiables are

Scary movies or content:

• Talk about what to do if something scary comes on
• "You can always say you're tired and close your eyes"
• "It's okay to excuse yourself to the bathroom"
• Host parents should ask about content preferences

Tips for Hosting

If you're the hosting parent:

Before the sleepover:

• Ask about allergies, dietary restrictions, medications
• Ask about bedtime routines and any special needs
• Get emergency contact information
• Discuss general plans with the other parent

During the sleepover:

• Check in with both kids periodically
• Keep activities age-appropriate
• Maintain a reasonable bedtime (guests sleep poorly if up too late)
• Be aware the visiting child may feel homesick

Safety:

• Know about any allergies
• Have first aid supplies
• Ensure appropriate supervision
• Keep the other parent's number handy

When It Doesn't Go Well

Sometimes children need to come home early. This is okay.

If you get the call:

• Go pick them up calmly, without drama
• Don't make them feel bad about it
• "It's okay. Sleepovers can be hard. We'll try again sometime"
• Analyze later what went wrong without judgment

If they make it through but were miserable:

• Praise them for trying
• Talk about what was hard
• Problem-solve for next time
• Don't force more sleepovers immediately

Building up gradually:

• Next sleepover should feel easier/safer
• Consider relatives first, then close friends
• Success builds on success
• Some kids just take longer, and that's fine

The "Late-Over" Alternative

Not ready for full sleepover? Try a late-over:

How it works:

• Child goes for dinner and evening activities
• Parent picks up around 9-10 PM (before sleeping)
• Child gets the fun without the overnight stress

Benefits:

• Builds confidence gradually
• Still gets social experience
• Reduces anxiety about sleeping away
• Steps toward eventual sleepover

What Other Parents Ask

Q: My child always wants to come home at midnight. Should I stop letting them do sleepovers?
A: Not necessarily. Talk about what specifically is hard. Try strategies like bringing comfort items, calling to say goodnight, or choosing very comfortable environments. Some kids need more attempts before it clicks. Consider late-overs as an alternative for now. AAP

Q: My child was exposed to something inappropriate at a sleepover. What do I do?
A: Thank your child for telling you. Don't overreact in front of them, but take it seriously. Talk to the host parent calmly to understand what happened. Discuss with your child in age-appropriate terms. Consider limiting sleepovers to families you know very well.

Q: How do I know if my child is ready?
A: Start with low-stakes overnight situations (grandparents, cousins). Watch how they handle it. If those go well and they're interested in friend sleepovers, try one with a very close friend whose family you know. Success with smaller steps indicates readiness.

Q: My 10-year-old has never done a sleepover and feels embarrassed.
A: This is more common than you'd think. Don't push, but do create opportunities. Start with having friends sleep at YOUR house (less scary). Progress to relatives, then close friends. Normalize it: "Everyone's ready for different things at different times."

The Bottom Line

Sleepovers are a developmental milestone that children reach at different ages. Preparation, communication, and gradual exposure help ensure success. It's okay if your child needs to come home early or isn't ready yet—that doesn't mean they'll never be ready.

Key points:

• Readiness varies widely (ages 5-12 is all normal)
• Prepare with packing, conversations, and problem-solving
• Anxiety is normal—validate it and help them cope
• Have a pickup plan in place
• Late-overs are a great stepping stone
• If it doesn't go well, try again gradually
• Both hosting and sending parents should communicate

Clara is here to help you navigate sleepover preparations.