Dealing With Problems at School

When your child is struggling at school—whether academically, socially, or behaviorally—it can feel overwhelming. You may not know what's happening, whether it's serious, or how to help. The frustration of watching your child struggle while feeling powerless is one of parenting's hardest experiences.

The good news: most school problems are solvable. With the right approach—understanding the issue, communicating effectively with the school, and supporting your child—you can help them get back on track. This guide will walk you through how to identify, address, and resolve common school challenges.

Signs Your Child Is Struggling AAP

Children don't always tell you when they're having problems at school. Watch for these warning signs:

Academic warning signs:

• Declining grades
• Incomplete or missing assignments
• Says work is "too hard" or "too easy"
• Avoids talking about school
• Homework takes much longer than expected
• Teachers express concerns

Social warning signs:

• Doesn't want to go to school
• No longer mentions friends
• Comes home upset or withdrawn
• Physical complaints on school days (stomachaches, headaches)
• Wants to change schools
• Behavioral changes at home

Behavioral warning signs:

• Calls from the teacher about conduct
• Discipline referrals or detentions
• Reports of conflicts with peers
• Child seems stressed or anxious about school
• Acting out at home after school

Trust your instincts: If something feels off, investigate. You know your child.

Getting Information AAP

Before you can solve a problem, you need to understand it. Gather information from multiple sources.

From your child:

• Ask open-ended questions: "Tell me about recess today"
• Don't interrogate—have casual conversations
• Listen more than you talk
• Don't dismiss their feelings
• Ask about specifics: "What happened right before you got upset?"
• "Is there something I should know about school?"

From the teacher:

• Email or request a meeting
• Ask specific questions: "How is she doing socially?" "Where is he struggling?"
• Request examples: "Can you describe what happens?"
• Ask for comparisons: "Is this typical for this age?"
• Find out what they've tried

From other sources:

• Review report cards and progress reports
• Check online portals for grades and missing work
• Talk to other parents (carefully, not gossiping)
• Ask the school counselor for perspective
• Request observations or evaluations if warranted

Common Academic Problems

### Struggling with the work

Possible causes:

• Learning difference (dyslexia, ADHD, etc.)
• Gaps in foundational skills
• Work is truly above their level
• Vision or hearing problems
• Anxiety or emotional issues affecting focus

What to do:

• Talk to the teacher about specific struggles
• Request academic testing if you suspect a learning difference
• Get vision and hearing checked
• Consider tutoring for skill gaps
• Ask about interventions the school offers
• Don't wait—early intervention works

### Not being challenged

Signs:

• Boredom, acting out from understimulation
• Rushing through work without effort
• "This is too easy/boring"
• Strong performance with minimal effort

What to do:

• Talk to the teacher about enrichment
• Ask about gifted programs or acceleration options
• Provide challenge at home (not more homework—exploration)
• Consider whether the school is the right fit

### Homework problems

See our detailed homework guide, but in brief:

• Establish consistent routines
• Communicate with teacher about time expectations
• Reduce distractions
• Help them learn to work independently
• Don't do the work for them

Common Social Problems

### Not having friends AAP

This could mean:

• Difficulty making friends (skills issue)
• New to school and still adjusting
• Choosing to be alone (some kids are introverted)
• Being excluded or rejected by peers

What helps:

• Talk to teacher/counselor about what they observe
• Invite classmates for playdates (structured activities)
• Consider social skills groups
• Check for underlying issues (anxiety, autism, ADHD)
• Don't force—some kids genuinely prefer fewer friends

### Conflict with peers

Normal vs. concerning:

• Some conflict is developmentally normal
• Concerning if persistent, one-sided, or affecting well-being
• Single incidents are different from patterns

How to approach:

• Get the full story (your child's perspective may be partial)
• Teach conflict resolution skills
• Role-play responses
• Involve school if needed
• Avoid fighting your child's battles—coach them instead

### Bullying (see separate bullying guide)

Key points:

• Take reports seriously
• Document incidents
• Report to school immediately
• Follow up on school's response
• Support your child's emotional well-being
• Seek help if it's significantly impacting your child

Behavior Problems at School

When your child is getting in trouble at school, it's easy to feel defensive or frustrated. Try to approach it as a problem to solve together with the school, not an adversarial situation.

### Understanding why AAP

Behavior is communication. Ask:

• When does the behavior happen? (time of day, subject, situation)
• What triggers it?
• What happens before and after?
• Is this new behavior or ongoing?
• What's happening at home that might affect school?

Common underlying causes:

• Undiagnosed learning difference (frustration → acting out)
• ADHD (impulsivity, difficulty sitting still)
• Anxiety (avoidance, withdrawal, meltdowns)
• Social struggles (negative attention-seeking)
• Problems at home (divorce, stress, trauma)
• Mismatch between child and classroom expectations

### Working with the school

Approach as a partner:

• "We want to solve this together."
• "What are you seeing, and what have you tried?"
• "What can we do at home to support the strategies?"
• "What additional support might help?"

Request a meeting if the problem is significant—email isn't sufficient for complex issues.

Consider requesting:

• Observation by school psychologist
• Functional behavior assessment (what's driving behavior?)
• Evaluation for special services
• Counseling support
• Behavior plan

Conflicts With Teachers

Sometimes the problem is a poor fit between your child and their teacher, or a genuine conflict.

Before escalating:

• Get your child's perspective, but know it may be incomplete
• Request a meeting with the teacher (without your child present)
• Approach with curiosity, not accusations
• Share your concerns and listen to theirs
• Look for solutions together

If the conflict persists:

• Document specific incidents
• Request a meeting with the principal included
• Ask for classroom observation by administrator
• Consider requesting a classroom change (last resort)
• Remain professional—your child is watching

When to escalate:

• Teacher is consistently unfair or harsh
• Child is fearful of the teacher
• Academic needs aren't being met
• Your concerns are dismissed without consideration
• You've tried working with the teacher and failed

Requesting Evaluation for Learning Differences AAP

If you suspect your child has an underlying issue affecting school performance, you have the right to request an evaluation.

How to request:

• Put your request in writing to the school principal or special education coordinator
• Be specific: "I am requesting a comprehensive evaluation for my child"
• The school is legally required to respond (usually within 30 days)
• Evaluation is provided at no cost to you

What happens next:

• School evaluates in multiple areas
• You receive a report of findings
• If eligible, an IEP (Individualized Education Program) is developed
• You are part of the IEP team

If denied:

• You can dispute the decision
• Consider independent evaluation
• Know your rights under IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act)

Supporting Your Child Through School Struggles

However you're addressing the school problem, your child needs your emotional support.

What helps:

• Listen without judgment
• Validate their feelings: "That sounds really hard."
• Avoid blaming them for the problem
• Focus on effort, not just outcomes
• Celebrate small improvements
• Maintain your relationship—school struggles are temporary

What doesn't help:

• Excessive pressure
• Punishment for academic struggles
• Comparing to siblings or other children
• Dismissing their feelings
• Taking over and solving everything for them

Protect their self-esteem:

• Their worth isn't their grades
• Help them find areas of strength
• Keep struggles in perspective
• Remind them this is a moment, not forever

When to Seek Outside Help

Some school problems need professional support. Consider seeking help if:

Academic concerns:

• Significant, persistent struggles despite intervention
• Suspected learning disability
• Gifted needs not being met

Social/emotional concerns:

• Persistent anxiety or depression related to school
• School refusal
• Being bullied and struggling to cope
• Significant behavior problems

Who can help:

• Educational psychologist (testing, school strategies)
• Child psychologist or therapist (emotional support)
• Pediatrician (medical evaluation, referrals)
• Learning specialists or tutors
• Advocacy organizations (for IEP disputes)

The Bottom Line

School problems are stressful, but they're rarely insurmountable. The key is early intervention, communication with the school, and supporting your child through the challenge.

Remember:

• Your child is more than their school performance
• Problems are opportunities for growth
• You are your child's best advocate
• Most issues resolve with attention and support

Clara is here to help you navigate specific school challenges and find the right approach for your child.