Common Concerns Girls Have About Puberty

Your daughter may seem confident and unbothered by the changes happening to her body—or she may be visibly anxious. Either way, research tells us that most girls have significant concerns about puberty that they may not be expressing. These worries can affect their self-esteem, social interactions, and emotional well-being.

Understanding what's likely on her mind helps you address concerns proactively, normalize her experience, and create an environment where she feels comfortable coming to you with questions.

"Am I Normal?" AAP

This underlying question drives most puberty concerns.

Why girls worry:

• They compare themselves constantly to peers
• Social media and media create unrealistic standards
• They don't know the wide range of normal
• Physical development is visible and commented on

What to tell her:

• There's a huge range of normal timing (8-13 for first signs)
• Some girls develop early, some late—both are healthy
• Bodies come in all shapes and sizes
• Everyone is on their own timeline

Signs she might be worried:

• Wearing baggy clothes to hide body changes
• Comparing herself negatively to friends
• Asking questions about what's "normal"
• Seeming uncomfortable in her body

Concerns About Breast Development AAP

Breasts are one of the first and most visible signs of puberty.

What she might worry about:

• "Why am I developing before/after my friends?"
• "One breast is bigger than the other"
• "Are they too big/too small?"
• "Everyone is looking at me"
• "Will they keep growing forever?"

Important facts to share:

• Breast development starts anywhere from 8-13
• Asymmetry is completely normal (one often develops first)
• Final breast size isn't reached until late teens
• Size is genetic—not controllable
• Breasts come in all shapes and sizes

First bra:

• She may want one before she "needs" it
• Let her take the lead on timing
• Training bras or bralettes are good starters
• Make shopping a positive experience
• Don't make comments about needing/not needing one

Period Worries AAP

Menstruation causes significant anxiety for most girls.

Common fears:

• "What if it starts and I'm not prepared?"
• "What if I leak at school?"
• "Will it hurt?"
• "How do I use pads/tampons?"
• "Can people tell when I have my period?"

Preparation is key:

• Talk about periods BEFORE the first one
• Create an emergency kit for her backpack
• Practice using pads at home
• Discuss what to do if it starts at school
• Have products in bathroom she can access easily

Period kit contents:

• 2-3 pads
• Extra underwear
• Wet wipes
• Small bag/pouch for discretion
• Spare pair of dark pants/leggings (if possible)

Address common myths:

• No, people cannot tell when you're on your period
• No, you don't have to stop activities (unless you want to)
• No, you won't bleed to death
• Yes, periods can be unpredictable at first

Body Shape and Weight Concerns AAP

Puberty brings body changes that can trigger body image issues.

What she might think:

• "I'm getting fat"
• "My thighs are too big"
• "I hate how my body looks"
• "Everyone's body looks better than mine"
• "I need to diet"

What's actually happening:

• Normal fat redistribution to hips, thighs, buttocks
• This is healthy and necessary for puberty
• These changes are preparing her body for adulthood
• Diet culture lies about what bodies "should" look like

How to respond:

• Don't comment on her weight (even "positively")
• Focus on what her body can do, not how it looks
• Model body acceptance yourself
• Challenge unrealistic media images together
• Watch for signs of disordered eating

Warning signs:

• Skipping meals or restricting food
• Excessive exercise
• Obsessive weighing
• Negative body talk that seems extreme
• Hiding eating or body from you

Acne and Skin AAP

Visible skin changes hit self-esteem hard.

Her concerns:

• "My face looks terrible"
• "Everyone is staring at my zits"
• "Nothing works"
• "This will never go away"

What helps:

• Validate that acne is frustrating
• Teach proper skincare (gentle cleanser 2x daily)
• Don't over-promise results
• See a dermatologist if over-the-counter fails
• Remind her it's temporary and treatable

What not to do:

• Point out individual pimples
• Criticize her skincare routine
• Promise a "miracle cure"
• Let her use harsh treatments without guidance

Body Hair AAP

New body hair can be surprising and sometimes distressing.

Her concerns:

• "Why do I have hair there?"
• "Should I shave my legs?"
• "The hair on my arms is embarrassing"
• "I have hair on my upper lip"

What to tell her:

• Body hair is normal and natural
• Hair removal is a personal choice, not a requirement
• If she wants to remove hair, you can teach her safe methods
• Amount and color of body hair varies by genetics

Hair removal decisions:

• Don't push removal or non-removal
• Let her decide when/if she's ready
• Teach safe techniques (shaving, waxing, etc.)
• Make it practical, not a big emotional deal

Body Odor AAP

The new smell can be embarrassing and confusing.

Her concerns:

• "Do I smell bad?"
• "Can people tell?"
• "This is so embarrassing"

What to do:

• Introduce deodorant when needed (often around 9-11)
• Let her choose a scent she likes
• Ensure daily showering
• Fresh clothes daily
• Keep extra deodorant in locker/bag

Vaginal Discharge AAP

Discharge before and after first period can cause concern.

What she needs to know:

• White or clear discharge is normal
• It typically appears 6-12 months before first period
• It's a sign her body is working properly
• Should not have strong odor or cause itching
• She might want to wear thin liners

When to see a doctor:

• Yellow, green, or gray discharge
• Strong or unpleasant odor
• Itching or burning
• Discharge increases significantly

Being "Too Early" or "Too Late" AAP

Development timing relative to peers causes significant stress.

Early developer concerns:

• Getting attention for body changes
• Feeling different from peers
• Unwanted comments or looks
• Confusion about adult-like body with child's mind

Late developer concerns:

• "Will I ever develop?"
• Feeling left out when friends discuss puberty
• Wondering if something is wrong
• Impatience for changes

How to help:

• Remind her that timing varies and both are normal
• Early developers: protect her from inappropriate attention
• Late developers: reassure her changes will come
• Don't compare her to siblings or yourself
• See doctor if: signs before 8 or none by 13

Social and Emotional Concerns AAP

Puberty is intensely social, and girls often worry about peer perceptions.

Common worries:

• What friends think of her development
• Changing room/locker room exposure
• Being teased about body changes
• Boys noticing her body
• Friend groups changing

How to support:

• Validate that social aspects are hard
• Role-play responses to teasing
• Discuss boundary-setting
• Help her find supportive friends
• Be available to listen without judgment

Talking About It AAP

Many girls find puberty embarrassing to discuss.

Why she might not talk:

• Embarrassment
• Not wanting to be treated differently
• Thinking parents "won't understand"
• Wanting privacy
• Not knowing how to bring it up

Making conversation easier:

• Side-by-side conversations (in car, walking)
• Keep it casual, not heavy
• Share your own puberty memories
• Don't force conversations but keep doors open
• Make sure she knows she can always ask

Period-Specific Concerns AAP

Once periods start, new concerns emerge.

Common worries:

• "Will I leak through my clothes?"
• "Can I go swimming?"
• "Do tampons hurt?"
• "How do I track my period?"
• "Are my cramps normal?"

Practical answers:

• Leakage happens sometimes; dark clothes help, so does preparation
• Yes, you can swim with tampons or menstrual cups
• Tampons shouldn't hurt if inserted correctly (practice at home)
• Use an app or calendar to track
• Some cramps are normal; severe pain is not—see a doctor

When to Seek Help AAP

Most concerns are normal, but some need attention.

See the doctor if:

• Signs of puberty before age 8
• No breast development by 13
• No period by 15 (or 3 years after breast development)
• Extremely heavy or painful periods
• Irregular periods after 2 years
• Signs of eating disorder

Mental health support if:

• Severe anxiety about body changes
• Signs of depression
• Social isolation due to body issues
• Any talk of self-harm

The Bottom Line

Your daughter has more concerns about puberty than she's probably expressing. By addressing common worries proactively, providing accurate information, and creating a safe space for questions, you help her navigate this transition with greater confidence and less anxiety. AAP

Remember:

• "Am I normal?" is the driving concern
• Preparation prevents panic
• Your attitude shapes her experience
• Open communication is protective
• Both validation and information matter

Focus on:

• Normalizing her experience
• Preparing her before changes happen
• Respecting her privacy
• Being available without being pushy
• Knowing when professional help is needed

Clara is here when you need help understanding your daughter's puberty concerns or navigating these conversations.