Getting Your Baby to Sleep: Practical Tips for Exhausted Parents

There's nothing quite like the bone-deep exhaustion of new parenthood. If you're reading this at 3 AM while bouncing a wide-awake baby, or desperately Googling "why won't my baby sleep," know that you're not alone—and this phase won't last forever. Let's talk about realistic strategies for helping your newborn sleep better.

Understanding Newborn Sleep

First, some reassuring science: newborn sleep is supposed to be fragmented. Your baby isn't broken, and you're not doing anything wrong. AAP

Why newborns wake so often:

• Their stomachs are tiny (about the size of a cherry at birth!) and need frequent refilling
• They haven't developed circadian rhythms yet—they don't know day from night
• Sleep cycles are shorter (about 45-50 minutes vs. 90 minutes for adults)
• They need to wake for safety and survival

What's normal for newborns:

• Sleeping 14-17 hours in 24 hours, but in short stretches
• Waking every 2-3 hours to eat (sometimes more often)
• Having their longest sleep stretch at random times
• Being nocturnal at first (more awake at night) AAP

This pattern gradually shifts. By 3-4 months, many babies start consolidating sleep, and by 6 months, some (not all!) sleep longer stretches at night.

The Foundation: Daytime Habits That Affect Night Sleep

What happens during the day sets the stage for nighttime. Here's how to help your baby's internal clock develop: AAP

Maximize daylight exposure:

• Keep the house bright during daytime hours
• Take baby outside for natural light (even on cloudy days)
• Don't tiptoe around during daytime naps—normal household sounds are fine
• Keep daytime feeds social and interactive

Establish night cues:

• Dim lights in the evening
• Keep night feeds quiet, calm, and boring
• Use low voices and minimal eye contact at night
• Don't change diapers at night unless necessary (or it's a big one)

Watch for sleep cues:

• Yawning
• Eye rubbing
• Looking away or zoning out
• Fussiness
• Jerky movements

Catching these early helps—an overtired baby is actually harder to get to sleep.

Creating a Sleep-Friendly Environment

Your baby's sleep environment matters more than you might think: AAP

Darkness: Use blackout curtains for night sleep. Babies aren't afraid of the dark—darkness triggers melatonin production. A dim nightlight is fine if you need it for feeds.

White noise: Continuous white noise can help babies sleep longer and fall asleep faster. It mimics the constant sound of the womb. Keep it at a safe volume (no louder than a shower) and away from baby's ears.

Temperature: Aim for 68-72°F (20-22°C). Babies sleep better when slightly cool rather than warm. Dress baby in one more layer than you'd wear.

Safe sleep space: Follow the ABCs—Alone, on their Back, in a Crib with nothing else in it. A boring crib is a safe crib.

Practical Techniques That Actually Help

The "pick up, put down" method: When baby fusses, pick them up to calm them, then put them back down when calm. Repeat as needed. This teaches baby that the crib is a safe place while still providing comfort.

The "shush-pat" technique: With baby on their back, pat their chest or side gently while making a rhythmic shushing sound. The combination of touch and sound is soothing. Continue until baby is drowsy, then gradually stop.

The "drowsy but awake" approach: Put baby down when they're sleepy but not fully asleep. This helps them learn to fall asleep independently. It won't work every time with a newborn—that's okay. Just try when it seems possible.

Swaddling: Many newborns sleep better swaddled because it prevents the startle reflex from waking them. Stop swaddling when baby shows signs of rolling (usually around 2 months). AAP

Motion: Rocking, swinging, bouncing, car rides—babies love motion because it reminds them of the womb. It's fine to use motion to help baby sleep; you can gradually reduce it over time.

Building a Bedtime Routine

Even at just a few weeks old, a simple bedtime routine signals to your baby's brain that sleep is coming. Keep it short and consistent: AAP

A sample newborn routine (10-15 minutes):
1. Dim the lights
2. Diaper change and pajamas
3. Feed (breast or bottle)
4. Brief cuddle or lullaby
5. Place in crib drowsy

The specific activities matter less than doing them in the same order each night. Over time, these cues become powerful sleep signals.

Navigating Night Wakings

Night wakings are normal and necessary for young babies. Here's how to handle them: AAP

Wait before responding: Give baby a moment to see if they'll resettle on their own. Sometimes babies make noise between sleep cycles without fully waking.

Keep it boring: When you do respond, keep lights dim, voices low, and interaction minimal. Feed, change if needed, and put back down.

Feed efficiently: Night feeds should be calm and functional. Save the chatting and eye contact for daytime feeds.

Know when to feed: Newborns need to eat at night—don't try to stretch feeds or skip them. By 3-4 months, some babies can go longer stretches.

Common Sleep Challenges and Solutions

"My baby only sleeps on me":
This is developmentally normal for newborns—they spent 9 months inside you! Gradually transition by putting baby down more often, even if just for short periods. Try warming the crib sheet first, and place something that smells like you nearby (but not in the crib).

"My baby has day/night confusion":
This usually resolves by 6-8 weeks. Help by maximizing light and activity during the day and keeping nights dark and boring. Wake baby to feed every 2-3 hours during the day if needed.

"My baby wakes up the moment I put them down":
Try the "limp arm test"—if baby's arm flops when lifted, they're in deeper sleep and more likely to transfer successfully. Wait 10-20 minutes after baby falls asleep before attempting the transfer.

"My baby fights sleep":
This often means baby is overtired or not tired enough. Track wake windows—newborns can only stay awake 45-90 minutes at a time before needing sleep again.

What About Sleep Training?

Sleep training (teaching baby to fall asleep independently) is generally not recommended for babies under 4 months. AAP Young babies:

• Need night feeds for nutrition
• Haven't developed self-soothing abilities yet
• Have immature sleep architecture
• Need responsive caregiving

After 4-6 months, if you're interested in sleep training, there are many gentle methods to explore. But for now, focus on survival and establishing healthy sleep foundations.

When to Talk to Your Doctor

Contact your pediatrician if:

• Baby seems to have difficulty breathing during sleep
• Baby is extremely hard to wake for feeds
• You're concerned about baby's sleep position or safety
• Baby isn't gaining weight well (which can affect sleep)
• You're struggling with postpartum depression or anxiety (exhaustion makes this worse)

Taking Care of Yourself

This is crucial: you cannot pour from an empty cup. AAP

Prioritize your sleep:

• Sleep when baby sleeps (at least sometimes)
• Take shifts with your partner if possible
• Accept help from family and friends
• Let non-essential tasks go

Watch for signs you need more support:

• Feeling unsafe when very tired
• Intrusive thoughts about harming yourself or baby
• Crying frequently or feeling hopeless
• Rage or irritability beyond normal frustration

These are signs of postpartum depression or anxiety—not weakness. Reach out to your doctor.

The Bottom Line

Newborn sleep is hard—there's no way around it. But it does get better. Most babies start sleeping longer stretches between 3-6 months, and by the first birthday, many sleep through the night (with occasional disruptions, because parenting!).

For now, focus on safety, establishing good habits, and surviving. You're doing better than you think.

Clara is here if you need to talk through your specific situation or just need some encouragement at 2 AM.