Bullying: Prevention and Response

Learning that your child is being bullied can trigger intense emotions—anger at the bully, frustration with the school, heartbreak for your child. You want to fix it immediately, and the feeling of helplessness when you can't is overwhelming.

Bullying is a serious issue with real effects on children's mental health, academic performance, and well-being. But with the right approach—supporting your child, working effectively with the school, and building long-term resilience—you can help them through this difficult experience.

What Bullying Is (and Isn't) AAP

Understanding what constitutes bullying helps you respond appropriately and communicate effectively with schools.

Bullying is:

• Aggressive behavior that is intentional
• Involves an imbalance of power (physical, social, or emotional)
• Is repeated over time (or likely to be repeated)
• Causes harm to the target

Types of bullying:

• Physical: hitting, kicking, damaging belongings
• Verbal: name-calling, threats, taunting
• Social/relational: exclusion, rumor-spreading, social manipulation
• Cyberbullying: harassment via technology, social media, texts

Conflict vs. bullying:

• Conflict is disagreement between people of equal power
• In conflict, both parties may contribute and resolve it
• Bullying involves power imbalance and repeated targeting
• Single incidents of meanness, while hurtful, may not be bullying

This distinction matters: Schools respond differently to conflict vs. bullying. Use the right language.

Signs Your Child May Be Bullied AAP

Children often don't tell parents they're being bullied due to shame, fear, or worry about making it worse. Watch for:

Physical signs:

• Unexplained injuries
• Lost or destroyed belongings
• Changes in eating habits (not eating, binge eating)
• Difficulty sleeping, nightmares
• Frequent headaches or stomachaches

Behavioral signs:

• Not wanting to go to school
• Avoiding certain places or situations
• Running away from school or trying to skip
• Loss of friends or avoidance of social situations
• Declining grades
• Self-destructive behaviors

Emotional signs:

• Mood changes after school or after being online
• Increased anxiety or fear
• Feeling helpless or hopeless
• Decreased self-esteem
• Withdrawal from family
• Sadness, depression

What to do if you notice these signs:

• Create a safe space to talk
• Ask open-ended questions
• Listen without judgment
• Don't dismiss or minimize
• Take action

When Your Child Tells You They're Being Bullied

How you respond in this moment matters enormously. Your child is trusting you with something painful.

What to do:

• Thank them for telling you
• Stay calm (even if you're raging inside)
• Listen fully before responding
• Believe them
• Reassure them: "This is not your fault."
• Let them know you'll help

What NOT to do:

• Dismiss it: "Kids are kids" or "Toughen up"
• Blame them: "What did you do to cause this?"
• Promise things you can't deliver: "I'll make it stop"
• Tell them to fight back physically
• March to the school in a rage
• Contact the bully's parents directly (this usually backfires)

Ask questions to understand:

• Who is involved?
• Where and when does it happen?
• How long has this been going on?
• Is there evidence (texts, screenshots)?
• Have you told any adults at school?
• What do you want me to do?

Supporting Your Child Emotionally AAP

Being bullied can deeply affect a child's self-worth and sense of safety. Your support is crucial.

Validate their feelings:

• "That sounds really hard. I'm sorry this is happening."
• "It makes sense that you feel sad/scared/angry."
• "You don't deserve to be treated this way."

Build them up:

• Remind them of their strengths and the people who love them
• Help them maintain or build other friendships
• Engage them in activities where they feel confident
• Focus on what they can control

Teach coping strategies:

• Practice responses to the bully (brief, then walk away)
• Identify safe people and places at school
• Deep breathing and calming techniques
• Building a "buddy system" with friends
• When to seek help from adults

Watch for warning signs of deeper distress:

• Persistent depression or anxiety
• Statements about worthlessness or wanting to die
• Self-harm
• Complete withdrawal
• Refusal to attend school

If you see these signs, seek professional mental health support immediately.

Reporting to the School AAP

Schools are legally and ethically obligated to address bullying. Here's how to work with them effectively:

Before you contact the school:

• Document what you know: dates, times, locations, who was involved
• Save any evidence (texts, social media posts, messages)
• Write down what your child told you
• Prepare specific questions

How to report:

• Start with the teacher and/or school counselor
• Put it in writing (email creates a record)
• Be factual and specific: "On [date], [child's name] reported that [bully's name] did [specific behavior] at [location]."
• Use the word "bullying" if it fits the definition
• Request a meeting to discuss

At the meeting:

• Stay calm and professional
• Present facts, not emotions
• Ask what the school's bullying policy is
• Ask what specific steps will be taken
• Request a timeline for action
• Ask how you'll be updated
• Take notes

Follow up:

• Check in with your child regularly
• Document ongoing incidents
• Contact the school again if bullying continues
• Request another meeting if needed
• Escalate to principal, then district, if unresolved

What Schools Should Do

Schools have a responsibility to address bullying. Know what to expect:

Appropriate responses include:

• Investigating the report
• Interviewing students involved
• Taking disciplinary action per school policy
• Creating a safety plan for your child
• Monitoring the situation
• Following up with you

Red flags (school is not taking it seriously):

• Dismissing your concerns
• Blaming your child
• Telling you to work it out with the other family
• No follow-up or action
• Minimizing: "It's just kids being kids"

If the school fails to act:

• Document everything
• Put complaints in writing
• Escalate to principal, then superintendent
• File a formal complaint with the school board
• Know your rights under state bullying laws
• Consider consulting with an attorney in severe cases

Cyberbullying: Special Considerations AAP

Cyberbullying presents unique challenges because it can happen 24/7 and is often public.

What to do:

• Save and screenshot all evidence
• Don't respond to the bully
• Block the bully
• Report to the platform (most have reporting mechanisms)
• Report to school if students are from same school
• Report to police if there are threats of violence

Prevention:

• Know what platforms your child uses
• Discuss cyberbullying before it happens
• Establish expectations about online behavior
• Consider parental monitoring for younger children
• Create open communication about online experiences

Know when it's a crime:

• Threats of violence
• Sexual images of minors
• Stalking or harassment
• These require police involvement

What NOT to Do

Some well-meaning approaches make things worse:

Don't tell them to "just ignore it":

• This is rarely effective for real bullying
• Signals that you're not taking it seriously
• Doesn't teach skills

Don't tell them to fight back physically:

• Can escalate violence
• May get your child in trouble
• Rarely solves the problem

Don't confront the bully or their parents directly:

• Usually escalates the situation
• Can become he-said-she-said
• May damage potential school intervention

Don't dismiss or minimize:

• "It'll blow over"
• "They're just jealous"
• "You're too sensitive"
• These invalidate your child's real experience

Preventing Bullying

While you can't prevent all bullying, you can reduce risk and build resilience. AAP

Build social skills:

• Help them develop friendships
• Teach assertiveness (not aggression)
• Practice confident body language
• Role-play difficult social situations

Build self-esteem:

• Nurture their strengths and interests
• Avoid excessive criticism
• Model healthy relationships
• Create a warm, supportive home environment

Teach bystander behavior:

• Most kids witness bullying
• Discuss how they can help others who are bullied
• Not joining in is important
• Reporting helps everyone

Keep communication open:

• Talk about school regularly
• Create a safe space for sharing
• Let them know they can always come to you
• Discuss bullying before it happens

When Your Child Is the Bully

Learning your child has bullied someone is hard to hear. But addressing it directly is essential.

Take it seriously:

• Don't make excuses for them
• Get the full story
• Take appropriate consequences
• Dig into why this is happening (insecurity? modeling? trauma?)

Address it:

• Make it clear bullying is unacceptable
• Develop empathy: "How would you feel if...?"
• Require meaningful apology/amends
• Work with school on intervention
• Consider counseling

The Bottom Line

Bullying is painful, but it's not forever. With your support, effective school intervention, and professional help when needed, most children recover and thrive.

Your most important jobs are:

• Believe your child
• Support them emotionally
• Advocate effectively with the school
• Get help if they're struggling significantly
• Love them through it

Clara is here to help you navigate bullying situations and support your child.