Understanding and Soothing a Crying Baby: A Complete Guide for New Parents

Few sounds are as distressing as your baby's cry—and that's by design. Evolution has hardwired parents to respond urgently to infant crying. But when you're exhausted, when nothing seems to work, and when the crying goes on for hours, it can feel overwhelming. Understanding why babies cry and having a toolkit of evidence-based soothing techniques can help you navigate these challenging moments with more confidence and less stress.

Why Babies Cry: Understanding Your Baby's Language AAP

Crying is your baby's primary form of communication in the early months. Before they can point, gesture, or use words, crying is how they tell you something needs attention. The American Academy of Pediatrics emphasizes that responding to your baby's cries helps them feel secure and actually leads to less crying over time—you cannot "spoil" a baby by responding to their needs. AAP

Hunger is the most common reason babies cry, especially in the early weeks when they feed frequently. Learning to recognize early hunger cues—rooting, bringing hands to mouth, increased alertness—can help you respond before crying escalates. Once a baby is crying hard from hunger, it can take longer to calm them enough to feed effectively, so catching hunger early makes feeding easier for everyone.

Discomfort covers a wide range of possibilities. A wet or soiled diaper, clothing that's too tight or scratchy, being too hot or too cold, or an uncomfortable position can all trigger crying. Some babies are more sensitive than others and need more frequent adjustments to stay comfortable. Doing a quick comfort check—diaper, temperature, position—is often a good first step when crying starts.

Tiredness paradoxically causes more crying in babies, not less. When babies become overtired, stress hormones build up and make it harder for them to settle. Learning your baby's sleep cues—eye rubbing, yawning, fussiness, looking away from stimulation—and responding before overtiredness sets in can prevent a lot of crying. AAP

The need for comfort is completely normal and doesn't mean anything is wrong. Babies have spent nine months in constant contact with their mother's body, hearing her heartbeat and being gently rocked with every movement. The outside world is a lot to adjust to, and many babies simply need to be held, carried, or rocked to feel secure. This is a legitimate need, not a manipulation.

Overstimulation is increasingly common in our busy, bright, noisy world. Babies can only process so much stimulation before it becomes overwhelming. If your baby has been around a lot of activity, noise, lights, or handling, they may cry as a way of shutting down and recovering. Moving to a quiet, dim environment often helps.

Gas and digestive discomfort are especially common in the evening hours. Many babies have a fussy period in the late afternoon or evening that seems connected to digestive development. While the exact cause isn't fully understood, this pattern is normal and temporary.

The Period of PURPLE Crying: A Normal Developmental Phase AAP

If your baby seems to cry inconsolably in the evening, you're not alone—and you're not doing anything wrong. Researchers have identified a normal developmental phase that typically peaks around 6-8 weeks of age and improves by 3-4 months. The National Center on Shaken Baby Syndrome developed the PURPLE acronym to help parents understand this challenging period.

Peak of crying refers to the pattern where crying increases each week, peaks around 2 months, and then gradually decreases. This is a developmental trajectory, not a reflection of your parenting.

Unexpected crying can come and go without any apparent cause. You may do everything "right" and still have a crying baby, then do nothing different and have a calm baby. This unpredictability is frustrating but normal.

Resists soothing is perhaps the most distressing aspect. During this phase, babies may cry despite your best efforts to calm them. This doesn't mean your soothing techniques don't work—they do—but sometimes during this developmental period, nothing works immediately.

Pain-like face is misleading because babies often look like they're in pain during these crying episodes, but research shows they're usually not. The crying face simply looks distressed, which naturally concerns parents.

Long-lasting crying can extend for hours at a time. During this phase, some babies cry for 5 or more hours per day. While concerning to parents, this is within the normal range for this developmental period.

Evening timing is typical, with most intense crying occurring in the late afternoon and evening hours. Scientists aren't entirely sure why, but this pattern is remarkably consistent across cultures.

Evidence-Based Soothing Techniques AAP

Having a variety of soothing strategies gives you options when one approach isn't working. Dr. Harvey Karp's "5 S's" technique, based on research into what calms newborns, has helped countless parents. The key is that these techniques work best when used together and with enough intensity—a gentle swing won't work if your baby needs vigorous rocking.

Swaddling provides the snug, contained feeling of the womb. A properly swaddled baby feels secure and has less startling that can wake or upset them. Swaddling works best in the first 2-3 months before babies begin rolling, at which point you should transition to arms-out swaddling or stop. Make sure the swaddle is snug around the arms but loose around the hips to allow proper hip development. AAP

Side or stomach holding positions calm many babies, though these are only for soothing while you're holding your awake baby—never for sleep. The "football hold" with baby face-down along your forearm, or holding baby against your chest with their stomach against you, activates calming reflexes. Always place baby on their back for sleep.

Shushing sounds recreate the constant whooshing noise of blood flow that babies heard in the womb. Loud shushing—as loud as the crying—works better than gentle shushing. White noise machines, running water, vacuum cleaners, and hair dryers all create similar sounds, though be mindful of volume levels close to baby's ears.

Swinging and rhythmic motion remind babies of the constant movement they experienced in utero. This needs to be gentle but rapid—small movements, about 1-2 inches, at a pace of about 2 bounces per second. Never shake a baby. Swings, bouncy seats, car rides, and walking while gently bouncing can all provide this motion.

Sucking is deeply calming for babies. Whether on a pacifier, breast, or clean finger, sucking activates powerful calming reflexes. The AAP notes that pacifiers are safe and may even have a protective effect against SIDS when used during sleep. AAP

Beyond the 5 S's, skin-to-skin contact has powerful calming effects. Holding your naked baby (in just a diaper) against your bare chest regulates their temperature, heart rate, and stress hormones. This works for fathers and other caregivers too, not just mothers.

Environmental changes can help when baby seems overstimulated. Moving to a quiet, dim room, reducing the number of people around, turning off music or TV, and generally decreasing stimulation gives baby a chance to reset.

When Crying Signals Something More Serious AAP

While most crying is normal, sometimes it indicates a problem that needs medical attention. Learning to distinguish between normal crying and concerning crying is important.

Contact your pediatrician if the crying sounds different than usual. A high-pitched, weak, or continuous cry that doesn't sound like your baby's normal cry can indicate illness or pain. Similarly, if your baby is inconsolable for more than 2 hours despite your best efforts, a call to the doctor is warranted.

Fever in a newborn under 3 months is always a reason to call the doctor right away—even if baby doesn't seem very sick. A rectal temperature of 100.4°F (38°C) or higher in a baby under 3 months requires immediate medical evaluation. AAP

Feeding refusal combined with crying is concerning, especially in young babies who need frequent feeding. If your baby won't eat for multiple feedings, call your pediatrician.

Other symptoms accompanying the crying—vomiting, diarrhea, rash, difficulty breathing, unusual sleepiness or lethargy, or any symptom that concerns you—should prompt a call to your doctor.

Trust your instincts. You know your baby better than anyone. If something feels wrong, even if you can't put your finger on it, calling your pediatrician is always appropriate. They would rather hear from a concerned parent than have a sick baby go without care.

Taking Care of Yourself: You Can't Pour from an Empty Cup AAP

Inconsolable crying is one of the most stressful experiences for new parents. The stress response to infant crying is powerful and biological—it's designed to be impossible to ignore. But when crying goes on for hours, night after night, it can lead to exhaustion, anxiety, and even depression. Taking care of yourself isn't selfish; it's necessary for taking care of your baby.

It is completely okay—and sometimes necessary—to put your baby in a safe place (like their crib) and walk away for a few minutes. A crying baby who is safe is better than a frustrated parent reaching their breaking point. Taking 5-10 minutes to breathe, get a glass of water, or step outside can help you reset.

Ask for help. This is not a sign of weakness or failure. Having a partner, family member, or friend take over for an hour can make an enormous difference. If you don't have help available and are feeling overwhelmed, many communities have crisis nurseries or warm lines you can call.

Never shake a baby. Shaking a baby can cause permanent brain damage or death. If you feel yourself getting to the point where you might shake your baby, put them down somewhere safe immediately and call for help. The National Child Abuse Hotline (1-800-4-A-CHILD) is available 24/7.

Remember that this phase will pass. The intense crying of the PURPLE period peaks around 6-8 weeks and typically improves significantly by 3-4 months. When you're in the middle of it, this feels like forever, but it does end.

The Bottom Line

Crying is your baby's way of communicating, and responding to those cries helps your baby feel secure. The PURPLE crying period—with its peaks, unpredictability, and resistance to soothing—is a normal developmental phase that most babies go through. Having a toolkit of soothing techniques, knowing when to seek medical attention, and taking care of yourself are all essential to navigating this challenging time.

Clara is here to help you through the tough moments and answer specific questions about your baby's crying!